Thursday, July 15, 2010

When Did Any Time Before 5:00am Exist?

Dear Blog (I would say readers but I don't feel like I have enough yet to feel like I'm talking to actual humans, also, I don't know exactly what an "actual human" constitutes, and also, by the time I have actual human readers I'll probably have a cool name for you guys, like "Kristinites". Maybe not that.),

I'd like you to guess what time it is. You may be saying, "You really want me to guess the time? But it says right here on your post" and I'd say, "but do you actually recognize those numbers? OF COURSE YOU DON'T BECAUSE IT'S BARELY AFTER 5:00! IN THE MORNING. I didn't even know this time existed!". You'd probably shut up then.

So, I had to get up at 4:00 and I went to sleep at 11:30. Yes, I'm aware I'm an idiot. The university I'm going to in the fall has its Intro"duck"tion today and I have to drive for a few hours to get to it. And why, UofO, do you persist on being so presumptuous as to put the word "duck" into introduction? Huh? It's lame. You're lame. And it's 5:00 in the morning. WHICH IS LAME.

Also, if you actually are human, you're probably like "your mascot is a duck?" and I'm like "hell yes it is! We're so cool that our mascot is actually Donald Duck", you can't beat that. I bet your school mascot can't even beat a banana slug. Although, having a banana slug as a school mascot would be awesome, but not more awesome than a velociraptor.

I can just imagine telling someone about your mascot if it was a raptor.

Me: Hey, guess what my school mascot is.
Other person: I don't know... a banana slug?
Me: Close. It's a velociraptor.
Other person: How is that close?
Me: The two are close on the awesome scale for school mascots.
Other person: Okay, but a raptor doesn't sound that cool.
Me: You're not cool, and I bet your school mascot couldn't beat mine.
Other person: We're the T-rexes.
Me: Shit.

I have to go now.


  1. We have cougars. Not nearly as cool as banana slugs. -Dak